Beneath the Surface.

Things aren’t always the way they seem on the surface. Someone may look like they have the perfect life, like they have everything together. When in reality, they are extremely self conscious and dislike every part of themselves.

That is how I lived for the past three years. I built up a ‘perfect’ external image in order to hide my vulnerability. It seemed as if I had everything together. I had a well-established routine, I looked healthy on the outside, I always finished assignments well ahead of time. When in reality I felt like a robot, mindlessly repeating mundane tasks everyday.

I forced myself to go to the gym even if I was exhausted or ill. I weighed out every single gram of food that I put in my mouth. I would get anxious if I ate anything that wasn’t planned. My head was filled with constant worries of what would happen the next moment. I compared myself to people I saw on social media. I picked myself apart in the mirror for things that only I noticed. I never thought I was good enough. I was so stressed with work that I struggled to sleep most nights. But everything was fine because the rest of the world didn’t know the truth.

Fast forward to now, I am a complete different person. I have let go of things that no longer serve me, while at the same time still trying to be free of toxic patterns that hold me back. To some, it may seem like I am having the time of my life and can do whatever I want. Little do they know, it is a daily battle with myself to stay sane. (More on that another time when I dig up the courage to share my struggles.)

So I guess this is a reminder to both myself and everyone else to never believe what they see. We are all fighting our own battles everyday. Some just manage to hide it better than others.

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