Last week I wrote about the three stages of healing. It’s basically a watered down version of what I went through over the past few months. I feel particularly strongly about the last part, where I spoke about feeling your emotions in order to fully heal.
A year ago I was an emotionless robot. This year it all came hitting me in the face like a truck.
I didn’t know what to do. I’m the type who holds everything in no matter what. (Or should I say I was because I’m working on it.) All I wanted to do was drown in my sorrow. But people kept saying that I have to stay positive and that I’ll feel better soon. That did nothing but make me feel even more guilty for being that way. I hated being pitied on, like I was some kind of weak emotional wreck.
The greatest lesson I’ve learnt over the past few months is that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to lie in bed all day contemplating your entire life. It’s ok to cry every half an hour on bad days. It’s ok to be sad. If anything, being alone with my sadness forced me to face the truth. There was no where to run away to. It was just me and my head. It allowed me to get out all the emotions that had been trapped within me over the past few years. It helped me find new outlets to express myself, including what you’re reading right now.
I would not wish any of it away. I would never take away the bad days because they put me in perspective. As crazy as it sounds, having a long cry is equally painful and soothing. It’s like how some people deal with their anger issues by punching a sandbag. So I invite you to let yourself feel. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad.