10 Before 20

As I am approaching my 20th birthday, here are 10 things that I’ve learnt in the past 20 years.

1. We are allowed to dream. But there are times when sacrifices have to be made in order for dreams to come true. It sucks, but you have to follow the rules if you want to win the game.

2. You can read as many philosophical books as you want, but you’ll still be broken if you don’t risk hurting yourself to pick up the shattered pieces. Working through emotions is painful – soul wrenchingly painful. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

3. Yes, other people’s photos may look pretty on the internet. But you’ll never get anywhere if you’re so busy obsessing over their lives that you forget about your own.

4. There is no rulebook for life. So do whatever you want no matter what people say. Own it while you’re at it.

5. You don’t have to be perfect. In fact, trying to be perfect was my downfall, like it has been for so many years. Make mistakes. Heck, make as many mistakes as it takes for you to get to where you want to be. Just make sure you stand back up every time.

6. The words that we have to hear the most can be the most difficult to accept. It’s easy to block out the world, to run away from everything when you’re hurting. But you’ll have to stop and face the truth somehow. It’s only a matter of time.

7. The magic happens in the in between – the grey area. The part where you get a bit of everything. The part where you get to experience all the ups and downs in life.

8. Maybe some of us are destined to be wanderers. We may not have everything figured out. We may not know what we want. But we know to follow our hearts.

9. What we don’t like about other people is usually related to what we don’t like about ourselves. The negative words that we say about others reveal more about ourselves than them.

10. The things that we worry about on a daily basis are extremely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That plane you thought you might miss? When you worried about how you look in that dress? How many of those things do you still remember today?

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Lessons Learnt from Sadness

Last week I wrote about the three stages of healing. It’s basically a watered down version of what I went through over the past few months. I feel particularly strongly about the last part, where I spoke about feeling your emotions in order to fully heal.

A year ago I was an emotionless robot. This year it all came hitting me in the face like a truck.

I didn’t know what to do. I’m the type who holds everything in no matter what. (Or should I say I was because I’m working on it.) All I wanted to do was drown in my sorrow. But people kept saying that I have to stay positive and that I’ll feel better soon. That did nothing but make me feel even more guilty for being that way. I hated being pitied on, like I was some kind of weak emotional wreck. Continue reading “Lessons Learnt from Sadness”

The Three Stages of Healing

1. The Breaking

You will feel extreme sadness. You will think that life is just an endless torture. You will imagine how things could’ve been if only. Darkness surrounds you day and night. Some days you feel numb. Other days you just cry. The kind of crying that physically hurts. Like someone’s continuously stabbing you in the heart. Like you’re suffocating, struggling to stay alive. Yet the tears never seem to end. Even the smallest thing is able to trigger another breakdown. You try to be happy, but there is nothing to be happy about. Continue reading “The Three Stages of Healing”

My Safe Haven

This is where I’ve spent most of my mornings over the past month or so. Right in this spot. On this bench, overlooking the rest of the city.

This is where I go to escape from the rest of the world.

This is where I’m sat writing this right now, on a beautiful winter morning.

This is where I’ve read life changing books; meditated in the sun; listened to the sounds of nature.

This is where I met a lovely 82 year old lady, who didn’t hesitate to tell me all about her day.

This is where many puppies have come up to sniff around.

This is where I’ve witnessed many of life’s miracles.

This is where I’ve healed.

This is where I’ve found peace, even on the darker days.

I’m going to miss this place. My little piece of heaven.

Moving On.

I came across this tweet the other day which really struck me.

‘It just occurred to me that many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centred around the trauma they’ve experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma and that unknown can be terrifying.’

-Ebonee Davis

Sometimes events occur and they end up changing the entire course of your life. Obviously that makes it incredibly difficult to move on and not identify yourself with what happened. But what I’ve found to be most helpful is to move on. To stop dwelling over your brokenness. To stop letting it control you. To stop thinking about the past and what could’ve been.  Continue reading “Moving On.”

Beneath the Surface.

Things aren’t always the way they seem on the surface. Someone may look like they have the perfect life, like they have everything together. When in reality, they are extremely self conscious and dislike every part of themselves.

That is how I lived for the past three years. I built up a ‘perfect’ external image in order to hide my vulnerability. It seemed as if I had everything together. I had a well-established routine, I looked healthy on the outside, I always finished assignments well ahead of time. When in reality I felt like a robot, mindlessly repeating mundane tasks everyday. Continue reading “Beneath the Surface.”

Everything is Temporary.

I think the greatest and most important lesson I’ve learnt over the past few months is that everything is temporary. I have overcome struggles in the past and thought that everything would be rainbows and sunshine from there on out. It was this exact belief that kept me in the darkness when I was knocked down once again. I used to thrive on structure and had to plan out every second in the future. Needless to say, it was extremely difficult to see my life go a complete different direction than I had expected. I was clinging onto this old image of myself, beating myself up for letting things go wrong. I was constantly living in the past, thinking how things would be so much better if only I could go back in time and rewrite history. Continue reading “Everything is Temporary.”