Feeling Uninspired.

I haven’t posted in a while, and frankly it’s because I haven’t felt inspired. A lot of what I consider to be my best work in the past were written from my true emotion at the time. But the thing is, I only ever feel like writing when I’m slightly somber or down. Which is why, since my mood has improved drastically over the past month, I can’t seem to put words to paper without feeling fake or insincere. I started posting things that I thought might get views, instead of my usual rambly thoughts. It just didn’t feel like me so I stopped.

It reminded me of how we sometimes try to act a certain way in order to get other people’s approval. I lived that way for a long time, which only drew me further and further away from my true self. So I’m going to take my own advice and write what I want when I feel like it. It’s like how they say your hobby turns into a chore when you make it your job (or a least I think that’s what they say). I may stick to my schedule of posting three times a week, or I may not. It’s whatever I want. I will continue to ramble on about anything and everything whether or not people actually read it. That’s it.

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Letting Go.

I recently got rid of a lot of unnecessary things in my life, anything ranging from clothes, items, habits, to toxic people. What surprised me was how much relief I got afterwards. Not only did my living space seem much more open and decluttered, I physically felt lighter. It was as if the weight of all the things that no longer served me were dragging me down previously. I realised how much time and money I had been spending on non-essential items. Instead of going on another shopping trip during my free time for no reason other than pleasure, I can save up that money to travel and broaden my horizons. I now use my time more wisely doing things that either contribute to my overall well-being or expand my knowledge. Continue reading “Letting Go.”

Moving On.

I came across this tweet the other day which really struck me.

‘It just occurred to me that many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centred around the trauma they’ve experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma and that unknown can be terrifying.’

-Ebonee Davis

Sometimes events occur and they end up changing the entire course of your life. Obviously that makes it incredibly difficult to move on and not identify yourself with what happened. But what I’ve found to be most helpful is to move on. To stop dwelling over your brokenness. To stop letting it control you. To stop thinking about the past and what could’ve been.  Continue reading “Moving On.”

Beneath the Surface.

Things aren’t always the way they seem on the surface. Someone may look like they have the perfect life, like they have everything together. When in reality, they are extremely self conscious and dislike every part of themselves.

That is how I lived for the past three years. I built up a ‘perfect’ external image in order to hide my vulnerability. It seemed as if I had everything together. I had a well-established routine, I looked healthy on the outside, I always finished assignments well ahead of time. When in reality I felt like a robot, mindlessly repeating mundane tasks everyday. Continue reading “Beneath the Surface.”

Everything is Temporary.

I think the greatest and most important lesson I’ve learnt over the past few months is that everything is temporary. I have overcome struggles in the past and thought that everything would be rainbows and sunshine from there on out. It was this exact belief that kept me in the darkness when I was knocked down once again. I used to thrive on structure and had to plan out every second in the future. Needless to say, it was extremely difficult to see my life go a complete different direction than I had expected. I was clinging onto this old image of myself, beating myself up for letting things go wrong. I was constantly living in the past, thinking how things would be so much better if only I could go back in time and rewrite history. Continue reading “Everything is Temporary.”

Our Stories.

When I was younger, I remember thinking how boring I am.

How everyone else seemed to have a story.

How they went through pain and came out from the other side stronger than ever.

I wished I had a story like that to tell people.

So they could see how much I have been through.

Be careful what you wish for kids, because it might just come true.

Surrender.

People always say that you should learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. But sometimes, that single step into discomfort takes immense courage. It’s like having a bad habit that you know you should change, but the thought of changing it terrifies you. After living within comfortability for years, that is exactly what I had to face countless times over the past few months. It’s easy to stay within the lines and do what you’re told, even if you know you are capable of much more. I followed the rules, did what made people happy, but guess what? I wasn’t happy. I knew deep down inside that it wasn’t the life that I wanted. I knew that I could follow my dreams and do what I truly wanted if only I was brave enough.  Continue reading “Surrender.”