Feeling Uninspired.

I haven’t posted in a while, and frankly it’s because I haven’t felt inspired. A lot of what I consider to be my best work in the past were written from my true emotion at the time. But the thing is, I only ever feel like writing when I’m slightly somber or down. Which is why, since my mood has improved drastically over the past month, I can’t seem to put words to paper without feeling fake or insincere. I started posting things that I thought might get views, instead of my usual rambly thoughts. It just didn’t feel like me so I stopped.

It reminded me of how we sometimes try to act a certain way in order to get other people’s approval. I lived that way for a long time, which only drew me further and further away from my true self. So I’m going to take my own advice and write what I want when I feel like it. It’s like how they say your hobby turns into a chore when you make it your job (or a least I think that’s what they say). I may stick to my schedule of posting three times a week, or I may not. It’s whatever I want. I will continue to ramble on about anything and everything whether or not people actually read it. That’s it.

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10 Before 20

As I am approaching my 20th birthday, here are 10 things that I’ve learnt in the past 20 years.

1. We are allowed to dream. But there are times when sacrifices have to be made in order for dreams to come true. It sucks, but you have to follow the rules if you want to win the game.

2. You can read as many philosophical books as you want, but you’ll still be broken if you don’t risk hurting yourself to pick up the shattered pieces. Working through emotions is painful – soul wrenchingly painful. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

3. Yes, other people’s photos may look pretty on the internet. But you’ll never get anywhere if you’re so busy obsessing over their lives that you forget about your own.

4. There is no rulebook for life. So do whatever you want no matter what people say. Own it while you’re at it.

5. You don’t have to be perfect. In fact, trying to be perfect was my downfall, like it has been for so many years. Make mistakes. Heck, make as many mistakes as it takes for you to get to where you want to be. Just make sure you stand back up every time.

6. The words that we have to hear the most can be the most difficult to accept. It’s easy to block out the world, to run away from everything when you’re hurting. But you’ll have to stop and face the truth somehow. It’s only a matter of time.

7. The magic happens in the in between – the grey area. The part where you get a bit of everything. The part where you get to experience all the ups and downs in life.

8. Maybe some of us are destined to be wanderers. We may not have everything figured out. We may not know what we want. But we know to follow our hearts.

9. What we don’t like about other people is usually related to what we don’t like about ourselves. The negative words that we say about others reveal more about ourselves than them.

10. The things that we worry about on a daily basis are extremely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That plane you thought you might miss? When you worried about how you look in that dress? How many of those things do you still remember today?

Social Media Detox.

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A few days ago, on January 1st, I decided to delete all social media apps off my phone. I found myself spending way too much time scrolling aimlessly, comparing myself to people on Instagram, wishing I had their life. Basically I was going against my words and doing everything that I tell people not to. It had been negatively impacting my mental health for a while now and I knew it all along, but something about it is just so darn addictive. It’s like that bad habit that you know you should change but don’t exactly want to. Honestly though, it’s such a waste of time. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather spend those several hours doing something productive or spending time with my friends and family instead of getting sucked into my phone.

So how does it feel? It is freaking amazing. It is incredibly freeing. I honestly haven’t felt more at ease in long time – both physically and mentally. I struggle with self confidence big time, and social media was one of the main contributors. Sure, I miss seeing what my friends are up to. I even caught myself taking my phone out to post something on my story, only to realise the app was gone. As much as I love social media as a way of connecting with people around the world, I refuse to sacrifice my sanity for vanity.

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I have no idea how long I’ll keep up with this – maybe a month or two, maybe forever? Who knows. I encourage you to try a little social media detox as well, even if it’s just for several days. Put your phone away and enjoy living in the moment. I think we all need some of that nowadays. Oh and if you’re like me and still want to post photos every now and then just because you’re proud of them, there are ways to post from your computer. Just don’t start scrolling through your feed while you’re at it. Trust me, it’s incredibly tempting (coming from personal experience).

2017.

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As the year comes to an end, I’d like to reflect on all that has happened over the past 365 days. I’ve never been one to treat each new year like it’s a big deal, because like so many other things, it’s only a number after all. However, I have stumbled upon numerous gems this year that I’d like to share with the world.

I think this has probably been the toughest year out of the (nearly) 20 years of my existence. I know I’m young and still have much to learn. I may seem naive and childish to some, but I don’t think a person’s beliefs and opinions should be disregarded due to their age.

I have been lost – and found. Or maybe I am still finding. Only time will tell. Perhaps life is a never-ending journey of discovery; a chronicle of transformation. I have faced so many demons of my past. Old memories have come back to haunt me, reminding me that they are still here despite my previous efforts to shove them into the dusty corner at the back of my mind. Perhaps they’ll always linger, but at least I’m learning to befriend and not banish. Continue reading “2017.”

I Believe.

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I believe in miracles, magic and angels. You may call me naive or silly, but I call it being hopeful. Being hopeful despite the pain. Being hopeful despite the hurtful things people have said. Being hopeful despite every opportunity for me to give up. Being hopeful despite life knocking me down numerous times.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. That the Universe only gives you obstacles you can handle. That everything is a lesson. That the Universe always has your back.

I believe the Universe works with us, not against us. That we can manifest anything we want, as long as we ask for it. That we have to be our own greatest supporter, for there will come a time when no one else will do it for you. That any dream can be turned into reality.

I believe in miracles, magic and angels. You may call me naive or silly, but that is what got me through the tough times. That is what kept me going even though I was exhausted from fighting. That is what helped me see the light when the world seemed dark and empty. That is what lit a spark in me to do what I’m doing right now – to reach people through my writing.

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Thank you.

Taking a break from the deep rants today because I need some lightness in my life right now. I know I overshare on here a lot, but it’s become my outlet. This is where I am comfortable with being completely honest with myself. This is where I reveal all the deepest darkest secrets that I’ve kept to myself over the years (that sounds more dramatic than it actually is). Continue reading “Thank you.”

Lessons Learnt from Sadness

Last week I wrote about the three stages of healing. It’s basically a watered down version of what I went through over the past few months. I feel particularly strongly about the last part, where I spoke about feeling your emotions in order to fully heal.

A year ago I was an emotionless robot. This year it all came hitting me in the face like a truck.

I didn’t know what to do. I’m the type who holds everything in no matter what. (Or should I say I was because I’m working on it.) All I wanted to do was drown in my sorrow. But people kept saying that I have to stay positive and that I’ll feel better soon. That did nothing but make me feel even more guilty for being that way. I hated being pitied on, like I was some kind of weak emotional wreck. Continue reading “Lessons Learnt from Sadness”